Final Fantasy: Kindergarten Wars
by noctorro
Summary: In an orphanage, five year old Final Fantasy characters gather to play Blitz Dodgeball to win the big prize - Matron Edea's Candy Bucket! But when Sephiroth and friends steal the bucket to use it to take over the world, it's up to the kids to get it back!
1. Cast of Characters

Final Fantasy: Kindergarten Wars  
  
Cast of Characters:  
  
Garnet Til Alexandros XVII - Princes of Alexandria from (FF9)  
  
Seifer Almasy - Leader of Disciplinary Commitee in Balamb Garden (FF8)  
  
Rydia - A young Summoner girl who's mother was killed in a fire that burned down her village (FF4)  
  
Edgar Figaro - A vain King of the Figaro Kingdom (FF6)  
  
Aeris Gainsborough - A flower merchant living in the city of Midgar (FF7)  
  
Rinoa Heartilly - Leader of rebel force 'Forest Owls' and Squall's girlfriend (FF8)  
  
Vivi Orunitia - A young black mage trying to uncover his identity (FF9)  
  
Relm Arrowny - A young artist who's art is so lifelike, it has the power to come to life (FF6)  
  
Barrett Wallace - Leader of the rebel force 'Avalanche' (FF7)  
  
Locke Cole - A well known thief (FF6)  
  
Gray Edwards - Leader of an elite force of soldiers, 'Deep Eyes' (FF:TSW)  
  
Zidane Tribal - A member of a travelling theatre group of thieves called Tantalus (FF9)  
  
Cloud Strife - A defective clone of Sephiroth (FF7)  
  
Cecil - A Dark Knight turned Paladin (FF4)  
  
Quistis Trepe - Youngest instructor at Balamb Garden (FF8)  
  
Ramza Beoulve - The true unsung hero of the Zodiac Brave story (FFT)  
  
Yuna - A summoner, daughter of high summoner Braska (FF10)  
  
Sabin Figaro - Edgar's powerful twin brother who denounced his right to the Figaro throne (FF6)  
  
Kain - A Dragoon, Cecil's best friend (FF4)  
  
Yuffie Kisaragi - A ninja girl who collects materia, born in the city of Wutai (FF7)  
  
Quina Quen - A student Quale (creatures with no gender that love food) (FF9)  
  
Aki Ross - A scientist with holding the cells of the deadly Phantoms within her body (FF:TSW)  
  
Tidus - An expert player of the game Blitzball (FF10)  
  
Kuja - Zidane's brother, bent on destroying the world  
  
Sephiroth - Most powerful member of Shinra's elite force, Soldier  
  
X-Death - An evil black mage once sealed by the powers of the elemental crystals  
  
Ultimecia - Sorceress from the furture bent on compressing time  
  
Kefka - Evil wizard who wishes to harness the status of the Gods  
  
Phantom - The ghost of a living species who's planet got destroyed 


	2. Seifer - the MEANIE

Final Fantasy: Kindergarten Wars  
  
  
  
The kingdom of Alexandria sat atop a grand waterfall. Around the outskirts, little peasant houses sat made of straw and wood. If a traveller were to make his way into the centre of this magnificent city, he would see the straw houses gradually evolve into elaborate brick structures with roof shingles made of the finest wood.  
  
This section was the marketplace, where merchants from all over the world of Gaia gathered in a combined effort to make a gil or two. Fruit merchants bragged about their produce to a crowd that never seemed to hear them while poultry farmers gathered their chickens, who narrowly escaped the clutches of evil children.  
  
Alexandria was a prosperous kingdom until one day, the King of Dragons, the great Bahamut, came and attempted to destroy it! But this was no ordinary kingdom for it was guarded by a majestic eidolon named Alexander. With little effort, the mighty eidolon destroyed the Dragon King and the Alexandrians lived happily ever after.  
  
"Yeah but then this evil eye appears out of the sky!!" A small blond haired boy waved a palm over the intricately positioned mass of blocks that represented the Kingdom of Alexandria. "The eye powers up it's evil energy, and destroys Alexandria!!!!" the boy brought his hand down upon the blocks and knocked them across the playfloor.  
  
He grinned at the little girl sitting there cross legged, who had spent a whole ten minutes carefully positioning the blocks to look like her magical kingdom. The girl's black shoulder length locks framed a round face, with dark eyes filling up with tears.  
  
"Seifer.." the girl said with a trembling voice, "you're so MEAN!!!" Her face twisted into a mask of emotional agony and she wailed, her voice travelling the distance of the entire room.  
  
Seifer stuck out his bottom lip and mocked the girl. "Aww, sad that your precious Alexandria got destroyed? Don't be such a cry baby, Garnet."  
  
Garnet stood up and scratched him, creating a cut reaching from his forehead and crossed diagonally downward across his nose that ended just below his eye. "That's Princess Garnet Til Alexandros the Seventeenth to you buster!!"  
  
Now it was Seifer's turn to cry as he held a hand to his face and howled. "Matron Edea's gonna get you in sooo much trouble," he threatened her.  
  
"Oh yeah?" Garnet taunted.  
  
"YEAH!!" Seifer shot back as his tear filled eyes started straight into her soul. Garnet realised that Seifer could be right and the two began a chorus of howling, whimpers and tears.  
  
"You guys, it'll be okay," a little brunette girl dressed in a pink skirt reaching to her ankles came towards them. She had large green eyes and brown hair tied into a pony tail with a pink ribbon. Long bangs reached around her face and down to her chin. "If we don't tell Matron, then nobody gets in trouble, okay?"  
  
The two nodded, rubbing their eyes. "I'll cure you," the brunette girl said. She put her hands to her pockets, analyzing their contents with her gentle touch. "Where did I put my Cure materia??"  
  
"You're so nice Aeris," Garnet said smiling. "Maybe your Cure materia can make Seifer stop being such a MEANIE!!"  
  
"Oh, there it is!" Aeris said pointing across the room. A baby phoenix sat on the ground with the materia between it's feet, pecking at it, creating a pleasant tinkle each time it's beak struck the crystal.  
  
"Rydia!! Make your Phoenix summon give my materia back!" Aeris demanded. "I told you, he can't have it!"  
  
Rydia, a green haired girl sat together with a purple haired girl named Eiko, with their backs turned towards the unhappy Aeris. Both of them supported a long horn in the centre of their foreheads, the sign of summoners. Eiko turned around and said, "Actually, Phoenix happens to be OUR summon, not just Rydia's."  
  
Aeris was crossed. "I don't care who's summon it is, I want my materia back!"  
  
"Maybe you'd get it back if you said please!" Aeris looked and saw it was the class self proclaimed mother, Quistis and her four eyed glasses.  
  
Aeris rolled her eyes. "May I PLEASE have my materia back?"  
  
"Sure," Rydia said. She went over and picked up the green crystal sphere and handed it to Aeris who was about to take it when a third hand came and grabbed it.  
  
"OOHH!!! It's Materia!!!" a black haired girl dressed like a ninja said. "This is gonna be such a great addition to my collection!"  
  
"Stop it, Yuffie!" Garnet said. "This is Aeris's and she's gonna use it to make me stop crying and to make Seifer stop being a meany."  
  
"I cannot believe this is how you children act while I am away," a matured womans voice said. The children looked up with their round faces at the beautiful woman who just entered the room. "Why can't you spend your time constructively like Relm over there who's painting that lovely picture?"  
  
The kids glanced over at a girl with a bandana tied around her head. The girl smiled and continued her work. Matron Edea walked over to look at the piece. "Well isn't this lovely?" she commented. "It's so....." She paused, then spoke with a harsh tone. "Relm, this is kindergarten and you're not supposed to know about these acts of.... human reproduction at such an early age!" she scolded.  
  
Seifer whispered into Quistis's ear. "That Relm is sooooo weird. She paints pictures of people with no clothes and their no-no places in funny poses. The two snickered.  
  
"Seifer!" Edea said, finally noticing his presence. "Why aren't you outside playing ball with all the other boys?"  
  
"Because that ugly King Edgar Figaro guy kicked the ball and it landed on Cloud's spikey hair. So now I have no ball so I came here to play with Garnet. He shot Garnet a mean look who stared back with narrowed eyes.  
  
Edea's eyes widened. "So where are all the other boys now?"  
  
"Cloud's in the bathroom trying to get the flat ball out of his hair and Edgar is helping him. Locke is trying to steal Squall's lolly but Squall just wants to all alone. That's all I know."  
  
Edea frowned. "Well, then I guess it's time for you kids to play nicely," she said with her hands on her hips. "Seifer, I want you to go and call the other boys. We're going to play a game of Blitz Dodgeball."  
  
The girls in the room huddled together in a mass of shivering bodies. "But Tidus is really bad at that game. He throws the ball too hard!!"  
  
Edea stood in front of the children and revealed the grand prize. The kid's faces immediately glowed with smiles while little rivers of saliva ran from their mouths. She held up a transparent bucket filled the the rim with all sorts of chocolate, sweets, easter eggs, lollypops and twinkies. "The team that wins this game gets to share this whole bucket of candy!" she declared. "We'll see how you work together in a team."  
  
The children were led outside to the a large grass field surrounded by shrubs, not too far from the school. A white line divided the field in half and along this line were Blitzballs of various colors. It was in this field that the children were to decided the outcome of this fateful battle. Brains and brawn had to work in harmony in this game of Blitz Dodgeball for the ultimate prize, one that was far more valuable than Triple Triad Card Trading, a field of mud puddles, even the pleasure of scaring the girls with slugs. The stakes were high this time, for no child could resist the power, of sugar. 


	3. Evil Shows It's 5 Year Old Face

Final Fantasy: Kindergarten Wars  
  
It was unanimous among the children that this game was going to be played with the traditional 'boys against girls' attitude. The first move was Sabin's to make. The blond haired boy, who sported a short pony tail at the back of his head, walked towards the Blitzball with confidence, broad shoulders moving gently back and forth as he moved.  
  
A young boy dressed in Paladin attire cheered him on. "Go Sabin! Get those cootie making girls!"  
  
"Shut up Cecil!!" one of the other girls with shoulder length black hair yelled. "Well at least nobody here is stupid enough to have a ball stuck in their hair!"  
  
"Yeah?! Well I hope that phantom pops outta your chest and eats you alive, Aki!!" Cloud retorted.  
  
Sabin raised his hands to silence his bickering peers. "How much you guys bet I can get the cute little pink one with the staff??" he smiled.  
  
"Two lollies!!" came a reply from a squire boy.  
  
"Ramza says two lollies! Anyone else wanna bet?!" Sabin declared. "What about you, Squall?" he asked a brown haired boy dressed in leather.  
  
"Whatever," Squall replied.  
  
"You're no fun, no wonder you have no friends." Sabin picked up the ball with two small hands, held it in front of him, and dropped it. He brought his foot up hard and with a magnificent kick, it was sent flying through the air at the hordes of girls scurrying out of it's path, heading directly for Aeris.  
  
"AAAHHH!!!" Aeris screamed and ducked, expecting the ball to strike her back and take her permanently out of the game. But to her surprise, she heard someone yell "Protect!!!" and she felt nothing. Instead, she heard a loud 'clang'. Aeris opened her eyes to see Quistis standing over her, with her arms outstretched. She had just deflected the ball with a Protect spell.  
  
"Mighty Guard!!" Quistis proclaimed. In an instant, every member on the girls team was protected with Regen, Aura, Shell, Float and Protect spells. "Let's see you boys try something against us now!!"  
  
The next move belonged to the girls, and Aki Ross, a little scientist, was the first to act offensively in favor for the girls. She took out her gun and aimed at the air above the boys heads and shot. A flaming ball shot from the gun and whistled as it travelled above the boys and exploded, showering them with hot sparkles. "Eat phantom!!" she declared.  
  
As the boys ran around while the sparks burned their skin, Aki ran to a ball and kicked it, landing on Cloud's head - again. The ball exploded with such force that he was thrown backwards into the bushes. The girls jumped and laughed in victory while Cloud was removed from the game.  
  
While the girls bathed in their glory, a boy with a monkey tail, who went by the name of Zidane snuck up and grabbed a Blitzball. With what arm power he had, the threw the ball at oriental girl dressed in baby blue with gold streaks in her hair. The girl was hugging her dog in celebration and didn't even see the incoming ball. However her dog noticed it and lunged at it. "Angelo, NO!!!" the girl screamed but it was too late. Angelo was struck and put out of the game. Since the girl was his partner, that meant she was out too.  
  
"It's okay, Rinoa!" Rydia said giving her a hug. "We'll get those boys for you."  
  
"You can't let those boys win!" Rinoa told her, tears filling up her eyes. "Our very social status relies on our victory! We must get that bucket of....." Rinoa pointed at the pedestal that Matron Edea had set up to put the Candy Bucket on. But the Bucket was gone.  
  
"What... what.... happened to our candy?" Rydia stammered. She looked desperately to Rinoa for answers who was just as clueless. They stood staring at each other for a moment.  
  
"AAAAHHH!!!!!! Our candy's GONE!!!!!" they screamed in unism. This caught the attention of the boys who laughed.  
  
"Stupid girls think our candy is gone!" Seifer declared. "Dummies, Matron put the Candy on the - "  
  
"It's gone you dumb head," Ramza said with his arms crossed.  
  
Seifer took a double take. "WwwaaahhhHH!!! Where's our candy?!?!?!"  
  
Behind the pedastal stood a round baby Quale with a chef's hat. Without a gender, the Quale, Quina, was forced to sit out of the game. "Oooh!! Lolly is taste good!!" he/she declared.  
  
"Quina!!" Garnet screamed , "You poo face! Did you eat our lollies??"  
  
Quina shook his/her head in reply. "Only one."  
  
"Well then where's the rest?!" Cecil asked, demanding an answer.  
  
"It's with ME!!" said a voice just a metres away from the group of angry children. They looked in that direction to see a boy with long gray hair and a long sword attached to his belt, holding the sacred Candy Bucket.  
  
"Sephiroth!!" Sabin said. "Give us back our Candy Bucket!"  
  
"Hahaha!" Sephiroth laughed. "Without this candy, you will all be powerless to stop me from taking over the world!!!......OUCH!!!!!!"  
  
"No!" said a girl dressed in red with small crow wings attached to her back. "We're going to kompress time! Along with the SeeDs, spreading like lokusts akross generations! How they diskust me!!"  
  
"Shut up, Ultimecia!" said a feminine looking blue haired boy. He grinned, red lips spreading across his blushed face as he pulled a lock of hair behind his ear. "We're going to spread mist throughout this land for me to frolic in!"  
  
"The point is, taking the Candy Bucket and destroying the world!" Sephiroth attempted at reminding his fellow Final Fantasy antagonists.  
  
But the comment went unnoticed by Ultimecia as she rolled her eyes. "Oh pfft, what damage is your stupid mist gonna do? 'Oh, please don't destroy me! I'm afraid your mist is gonna make me crash into an Iifa Tree! Oooh!! Mr. Kuja, you're so scary!'"  
  
"Uh guys, the Candy Bucket plan??" Sephiroth waved his hands for attention in front of Kuja's face, his efforts again in vain.  
  
Kuja was offended by Ultimecia's taunts and shot back with an trick card up his sleeve. "At least I can spell," he said grinning again.  
  
The world fell silent and the kids shrunk back in fear. True, Ultimecia's spelling may have been worse then Quina's grammar, and she may have failed one or two of Matron's spelling tests, but you never, EVER brought the subject up to her face.  
  
Kuja's pretty face was about to be re-arranged permanently. 


	4. Kefka's New Toy

Final Fantasy: Kindergarten Wars  
  
The children of Matron Edea's orphanage sat in the middle of the grass field where they had once been playing Blitz Dodgeball so enthusiastically. Everyone of them now looked towards the ground with their heads hung low, a tear or two making it's way out of the corner of their eyes.  
  
Their drive to win, along with the Candy Bucket, were now gone. The stone pedastal on which their trophy once stood was now empty, nothing to contrast it's dull stone color. The silence and occasional whimpering was too much for one of the boys to take. Ramza, a squire boy, stood up and addressed his friends.  
  
"Are we just gonna let Sephiroth get away with our candy?!" he said with as much booming voice as his developing vocal cords could muster. "That candy was what made us work together in a team! Don't you guys see? Matron Edea wanted us to all get along. She thought candy would do the trick, and by god, it did!! So are we gonna let her efforts go to waste? We have to get that candy back!"  
  
"I don't really like choklit," said a red haired cub. "It makes my tummy hurt."  
  
"That's cause aminals aren't supposed to eat candy, Red XIII," Eiko said rolling her eyes.  
  
"The point is, we need to get that candy back whether Red XIII can eat it or not!" Gray Edwards, captain of the Deep Eyes elite force, said. "I'm with Ramza. If that is the only thing that can make us work together, I wanna get it back!"  
  
"Yeah!" Ramza added, "And do you really wanna let that Ultimecia have all of the choklits? Those are supposed to be for us if we get good on Edea's spelling tests!! And Ultimecia hasn't even gotten one word right!!"  
  
Rinoa stood up. "You're right, Ramza," she said. "All they're doing is cheating." She turned to face the others and said, "I don't know about you guys, but I'm not gonna let some girl that can't spell eat MY well deserved candy!"  
  
* * *  
  
Down the street from the orphanage, a dark treehouse stood in the branches of a withering willow tree. Inside, maniacal laughter could be heard, produced by something unmistakebly evil, plotting to destroy the world.  
  
"Hahaha," Kefka laughed. The child was dressed almost like a clown, with a feather sticking out of his gray hair, to his wide frill around his neck over his green cape. "Do you want to see my teddy, X-Death?" He held the bear in front of X-Death and it exploded into an assault of clothespins that started attacking the Black Mage.  
  
"Owie!!!" X-Death cried, "Stop it, Kefka!! It HURTS!!!" He took a baby bottle and gave Kefka a solid thump on the head with it, but he was unphased.  
  
"That's what makes you so weak," Kefka laughed. "You can't handle a little pain. And lucky for me, I have developed the ultimate weapon of destruction!! This teddy bear's secret weapon is the aresenal of clothespins it uses to pinch people into submission!! I will make an army of these and will rule the world!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
Kefka waved the teddy in front of X-Death again, who ran crying into a mound of pillows for cover. Suddenly, the door to the treehouse burst open without warning, causing Kefka to jump.  
  
"I have a better idea to take over the world," Sephiroth said, stepping through the doorway with Ultimecia and a bloody nosed Kuja by his side.  
  
"Oh?And what is this stupid plan of yours?" Kefka asked.  
  
Sephiroth snapped his fingers as Ultimecia brought the candy bucket into view from behind her back. "This is Matron Edea's Candy Bucket," he explained to Kefka, who now started at it in complete awe. "This is what Matron uses to give the children power," he continued. "Without this to fuel them, the children are powerless and we are free to take over the world!!"  
  
A mysterious translucent tentacle reached out from under the crib and snatched the bucket, catching Ultimecia off guard. "Hey Phantom!!" she retorted. "That's OUR kandy! Give it back!!" She ran to the crib and looked under into it's enveloping darkness. She then ran back quicky and hid behind Sephiroth. "I don't like it under there, it's too dark."  
  
"That's what happens when you have a ghost living with you," Kuja said. "I told you guys to throw holy water on him when he first showed up here! But NOOO!!!! Kefka always wanted a pet and Ultimecia needed a spelling tutor. I told you already!!! He ATE the tutor!!!"  
  
"Shut up Kuja, or do you want another bloody nose??" Ultimecia threatened.  
  
"What's this?" Sephiroth asked, analyzing the teddy bear.  
  
"Don't touch that!!" Kefka warned, but it was too late. The bear once again erupted into it's mass of clothespins and attacked Sephiroth ruthlessly.  
  
By the time the bear was done, his skin was covered with red marks. "Hehe.. that's my new weapon against Edea's children," Kefka explained laughing nervously.  
  
"I..... think we can.... use it...." Sephiroth replied wincing. 


	5. Interlude - The Battle Plan

Final Fantasy: Kindergarten Wars  
  
Operation: Lolly Liberation was underway. The brains behind this mission of dynamic proportions was none other than the little genius, Cid. He sat at the head of a long table in the orphanage playroom and had specially requested that the light above him be turned off, so as to obscure his features.  
  
At the sides of the long table sat the children who were to participate in the operation. "I believe it would be best to send in our strongest forces by means of tricycle," he said. "The headquarters of evil is a menacing two block, downhill ride. We can surprise Sephiroth and the other meanies there."  
  
"Ooh, I have a question!" Rinoa said, eagerly waving her hand in the air.  
  
"What is it?" Cid asked.  
  
"Are we gonna take turns, Headmaster Cid?" she asked.  
  
He rolled his eyes. "No, we're not, Rinoa," he replied. "Our first wave of attacks will comprise mainly of monks and knights, like Sabin, Edgar, Steiner, Ramza and so on."  
  
"I have a question too, Regent Cid!" Zidane said raising his hand. "Why don't you just send us thieves in, like me and Locke. Getting the Candy Bucket will be a piece of cake for us!"  
  
"Have you not learned anything from fighting Kuja, Zidane?" Cid replied. "They will most likely have an army of their own warriors to stop us. That's why we need to weaken their defences first!"  
  
"I don't see why you can't just send your grandson, Mid in his airship and just dump rocks on them," Locke said, twirling his blue bandana with his fingers.  
  
"Because the airship belongs to Mid and he's not in this story!!" Cid said banging his palms on the table. "And if anyone can think of a better plan, I would love to hear it right now!!"  
  
"Please calm down, Dr. Cid," Aki said. "I have faith in you. If you came up with a way to contain my Phantom particles, I believe you can do anything."  
  
"Thank you Aki," Cid said. "Alright. As I was saying, our first wave of attack will be Sabin, Tidus, Edgar, Ramza, Cecil, Cloud, Grey, Kain, Zell and Squall. You are the first and the strongest wave to assault the Evil Treehouse. Make sure you do as much damage as you can before our other forces move in. You will surround the evil treehouse and slowly close in. Garnet, Rosa, Quistis, Eiko and Celes will be the support team. Their white magic abilities will come in handy, especially Quistis's Mighty Guard Blue Magic skill.  
  
Vincent, Barrett, Aki and Irvine, you four will be the snipers. You will be at the Evil Treehouse before anyone else and get into place in the surrounding trees. Pick off anyone who you deem to be a potential threat.  
  
The next wave will consist of Terra, Vivi, Rydia, and Rinoa. You will enter the battle about fifteen minutes after the first wave attacks. At this time, I want Rosa and Quistis to begin assisting the new team with your magic. Eiko and Garnet, the two of you will also assist this team upon entering the battle, but your role will switch from white mages to summoners.  
  
Finally, at my signal, I want the thieves to move in. This final wave of assault will consist of Locke, Zidane, and Rikku. You are the most important team to us. The rest is up to you to get back our Candy Bucket!! To further increase your chances of victory, we will send an elite force of ninjasto support you. This team will consist of Shadow, Yuffie and Edge.  
  
Everyone who is not involved with Operation: Lolly Liberation will stay back here and defend home base with everything we have. This meeting is over. Let's get our candy back, people!!" 


	6. The Confrontation

Squall snuck silently in the dark night, creeping behind crooked trees, slithering like a chubby baby snake between the bushes. From where he was sitting, right beside Sabin, they could see the Evil Treehouse, with a single source of light coming from the inside. 

"We better go in now and bop 'em on the head with my bottle," Sabin suggested quietly. "I got lotsa practice!"

Squall grabbed his arm to stop him and said, "No, we have to wait for the yes sign from Headmaster Cid!"

"Like when the green man comes up and we can crossed the street?" Sabin asked. Squall nodded in response.

_Clank, clank… _"Ugh, you're making too much noise, Rusty!" Sabin scolded Steiner, changing the subject.

"Sincerest apologies, sir," Steiner replied, rubbing his head. "T'is that my armor is far too…"

"MUAHAHAHA!!!!" Came a loud, diabolical laugh from the tree house. The surprise made the first wave of attack cower in fear behind the bushes. "I've found it! Nothing can stop me now!"

"Who knows what mean things their doing in there…" Grey said, hugging his gun. "This gun is cold… not warm like my teddy."

"That's cause it's not supposed to be a Teddley Bear, dumbface," Zell said giving him a light bop on the head. 

_Ring ring!!_ The group turned around to see what was the cause of the sound. It was baby Cid, riding by on his technologically advanced tricycle, giving them the thumbs up signal. 

"Ooh," Zell said in complete awe, "He didn't even have to ring the bell, he just pressed a button and the ring sound camed out." 

"I am a god!" came the unearthly voice from the Tree house. "Nothing will stand in my way of destroying the world!!" The kids shuddered as they heard the voice. Swallowing huge lumps in their throats, they proceeded on, beginning the first wave of attack of Operation: Lolly Liberation. 

***

Sephiroth held up a lollipop high above his head in his chubby hands, claiming victory over the others. "You'll never stop me! I am a God! Muahahaha!!"

"Oh shut up," Ultimecia said, waving a hand at him. "You're just hyper after having too many lollies after your bed time."

"Hey you guys," X-Death said, picking seeing something in his magic Fisher Price mirror. "The goody kids are coming! I think they want their candy back."

"Ooh!" Kuja squealed, grabbing the mirror from X-Death. "I look so beautiful today!" He gazed at himself in the mirror as it began to play a lulling tune. 

"Give that back!" X-Death demanded, only to be hushed by Ultimecia putting her fingers to his lips. 

"Kan't you see that I'm getting some work done here?" she asked. "We have to protekt Sephiroth from eating anymore kandy!" 

"There are more important things to worry about!" Kefka said, interrupting the petty squabble. "X-Death is right, the kids are coming back for their candy! We gotta stop 'em. I'll send out my army of killer teddy bears! Those kids won't even know what hit them!"

"Your teddy bears aren't gonna work," Sephiroth said, pulling the red lollypop out of his mouth. "There's a reason why _I _am leader of this operation. My plan with the candy bucket is fool proof!"

"Well we won't have much kandy left to konker the world if you keep _EATING IT_!" Ultimecia scolded. 

"People, we aren't getting enough work done here!" X-Death shouted, getting everyone's attention. "The kids are coming and we have to go and stop them."

"Oh! Well now X-Death is in charge I see!" Sephiroth said in a sarcastic tone. "Ok Mr. I wanna be leader X-Death! How close to us are the kids now, hm?" Kuja, Kefka, and Ultimecia snickered behind Sephiroth's comments. 

"Oh, I'd say right outside our door," X- Death replied casually. 

"What?!" Kuja shrieked. "We aren't even prepared! Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Kuja seized X-Death by the collar. "Now I'll never get the chance to frolic in a world filled with mist! Oh!" He fell upon the floor dramatically and started sobbing. 

"Oh somebody shut him up!" Ultimecia cried, slapping a hand to her face. X-Death shoved a lollypop into Kuja's mouth and the crying ceased. 

_BOOM!!_ The door of the Evil Tree house flew open just as lightning flashed through the sky outside. In the doorway stood an angry looking Sabin, backed up by a whole roster of other sugar deprived children. 

"Give us our candy back, you MEANIES!"


End file.
